Undercover Report

America's Business Schools — Hotbeds Of Clandestine Cloning?

They claim to be creating the leaders of tomorrow.  But a Más Kapital investigation has revealed that America's business schools are perpetrating a human manufacturing scheme that makes "The Stepford Wives" look tame...

By definition, leaders stand out from the crowd.  Otherwise, they're, well, part of the crowd.  Thus, to create leaders, a school needs to individualize each student so that s/he resembles no one else in business.

But we've found numerous clues that point to the opposite: a systemic program of MASS CONFORMITY.  Consider these findings:

1.  All applicants to a school must answer the same essay questions and score within the same range of a STANDARDIZED exam.

 

2.  Once they get in, all students must take the same CORE courses, regardless of interest or ability.

 

3.  Some schools require students to sit in the same seat by the same people day after day.

 

4.  Students attempting to express personality and humor in their work are labeled "unprofessional."

 

5.  Instead of cutting-edge technology, all students must use inferior MICROSOFT products.  Why make student computers open to viruses and spyware?  Think "espionage"...

 

6.  Students are trained to speak in code, with words like "leverage," "downsize," "value-added," "ROI," "NPV" and others not fit to print.

 

7.  Schools systematically emphasize "team work."

 

8.  Business suits.

This institutionalized mind control compels us to make comparisons to "The Manchurian Candidate," but one reference to a remade Hollywood film is enough for one article.

We looked into possible motives and found telltale signs in career service offices.  This was particularly remarkable, considering how difficult it is to find anything in a career service office.

First, many career service offices mandate that student résumés follow an explicit format, even dictating margins within an eighth of an inch.  Really.  Students are also coached on how to behave, how to answer questions the "right" way, even how to "fit" into a corporate culture.

Most horrifically, a glance through corporate files uncovered one insidious conspiracy:

MBA students are not being recruited for executive positions or creative roles, but rather, middle-management jobs.

Yes, it's okay to shudder.

Rather than leadership, MBA students are being shaped to join cubicle herds and perform soul-sapping tasks like analyzing spreadsheets and managing non-dairy creamer brands in Cincinnati.